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Nikon F90 + 28-70mm | Fujicolor Natura 1600 | @emilyyyung

It’s 1:20 in the morning, on the second day of the new year.
I’m sitting cross-legged and currently typing away at my desk.
I have a cup of (already cold) French earl grey, I’ve lit my lychee and peony candle, and Airling is playing in the background.

It’s been a great first day of the new year, and I’m so glad I can sit here at the end of the day, look back and feel happy + warm.

I usually attempt to write a reflection before the year comes to a close, but in true Emily fashion, I leave it till New Year’s Eve; it becomes too rushed and because I know I’ll take ages to finish writing, I never did get around to it for 2017. (I thought I would just take my time and look back at the year that was in the new year – so expect something a bit more reflective in the near-ish future.)

For the moment, I want to share with you a little bit of how I spent New Year’s Day.

I slept in the entire morning, eventually rolling myself out of bed and giving my body some sustenance.
I had intended on spending the rest of the afternoon tidying up my room. We were expecting family over for dinner, but they ended up arriving much earlier than I had anticipated.

As you may or may not already know, a large part of my family doesn’t reside in Sydney, and so I don’t get to see them very often. This holiday period, my uncles and aunties have all come with my cousins, and tonight they came over for dinner.

I had to run out to buy some juice, and so I took three of my cousins and my aunt out to drive to the shops. We ended up having to go to two different places because (surprise, surprise) the shops were closed at the first mall.

We made it back home and I spent some time playing cards with my cousins. Then more family arrived and I went to talk to my aunts. One aunt in particular who I’m closer to – who actually lives in Sydney but I don’t often see – hugged me and mentioned how she hadn’t seen me in a long time. We caught up and talked freely and made plans for next New Year’s Eve (heehee). Can you believe I haven’t been to the city to see the fireworks in person?! Ever?! After a total of 10 years living in Sydney?! At least, not that I can remember.

I’m the oldest grandchild on my father’s side, and there’s a decent age gap between my cousins and I – it’s a little hard to really be close to them and connect with them (if you get what I mean), especially when I hardly see them. I do make an effort though. At the same time, it’s always nice to see their cute faces and watch them shy away from me – in their eyes I’m probably more of an adult.

In saying that, because I am the age I am, I am much closer to my aunts, and I love that I can talk to them the way I do. It’s kind of like having older sisters that I never had, although there is definitely that generation barrier thing (?) that obviously exists – especially because we’re that kind of an Asian family.

Anyway, we enjoyed mum’s home cooked laksa for dinner and then had fruits + conversation/watched television. The topic of shopping and clothes came up when they were talking about plans for today. One thing led to another, and I ended up taking out bags of my old clothes for my younger cousins to sieve through and take anything that caught their eye! The three of them picked out a couple each and tried them on. It was nice to see them try on my old clothes and like the pieces – and I could help them adjust the clothes to see how they fit, and they would ask me about how to wear this or what to wear that with. I loved getting to do that with/for them.

Not long after, it was time for them to head back to my grandma’s and call it a night. We walked them out to the cars, and when I came back in and kind of looked back at my day, it brought a smile to my face.

Despite not seeing my family often, it always feels the same when we come together again. I ended off the day feeling warm and fuzzy and just really happy to see them. I’ve rambled on so much about the little details, recounting the events that unfolded, and now I’m a little lost for words to describe this feeling. I guess it’s like returning to an unfamiliar familiarity – if that makes any sense at all. Like a warm embrace you remember, one that is familiar and that you anticipate and imagine returning to, but until you’re actually in that embrace again, all you have to go off is the manifestation of your memory, and you won’t know for sure what it’s like until that moment comes. (Well, that was a little bit of a stretch. I haven’t written in ages so please forgive me)

It’s just been an amazing day spending quality time with family. I feel like I was able to just live in the moment, be present, and savour every second.

Can’t wait to see them more this week and also looking forward to my other aunty and her family coming in a few days!

I want to always remember this feeling.

Here’s to being present in life’s fleeting moments in the new year + always.

Wherever you are, be all there.

With love, Emily.

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Photo by Jenny Lam

One year has changed my life more than three years ever could.

It’s always a bittersweet kind of nostalgia as yet another year comes to a close. It’s the point when you really feel the culmination of 365 days, and for some reason the year has brushed past you like a summer breeze. 

The cliché would be to say, “2015 was good, and here’s hoping for an even better 2016” – or something along those lines. But in truth, it’s just nothing like that for me this time. Rather, to sum it up, I have mixed emotions leaving the past year and entering into the next.  

To say that 2015 was arduous is a massive understatement – and those who have seen me through the past year know that I have stressed this point too many times. They also know first hand how weary I have grown, and just how much my being has crumbled; and I continue to fall victim to my own weakness as I try to piece together the truth and make peace with reality and myself.

Around a year and a month ago, I met the love of my life (yes, go on – say what you may), and since then I have been unlearning things about myself and the world I perceive. It would be unrealistic to say that I haven’t changed – but if I have, it hasn’t been much. My circumstances have changed more than anything.  

As with any other year, 2015 has also had its highlights – and so many ‘firsts’. In many ways I am extremely proud of my achievements (although not many) and the milestones I have reached – but largely disappointed in the choices I’ve made and hence the consequences that I’ve had to face. However, above all, I have been amazed by my strength. And although I have had to act against what I’ve stood for, I’ve mustered every bit of strength to endure the pain that is continually inflicted upon me. My experiences have both weakened and strengthened me – and there’s the irony.

I am most thankful for the people who have brought me happiness and helped me get through 2015 – friends who have stuck around, new friends whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, friends near and far, even strangers and acquaintances. Recycling words from one of my Instagram captions: I would not have survived 2015 without the most understanding family and friends – for holding me when I couldn’t stop crying; for countless pep talks and advice; for feeling indignant on my behalf; for putting up with the sadder side of me – and the odd stranger or acquaintance for outfit compliments and just making my day in small ways. It’s all in the little things – and believe me when I say I am infinitely grateful to everyone who has helped me pull through. Thank you for affirming my strength and giving me strength.

I know very well that everything I have here is on the Internet and open for everyone and anyone to see. From the get go I knew that Noise and Nuance wasn’t just going to be a straightforward portfolio for my photographs and poetry – no. Each image and carefully selected word would give you insight into my life. It was always going to be personal – everything has its nuance. My feelings are transparent through my words, and I make myself vulnerable by putting everything out there, but I have nothing to be ashamed of. You might be a friend of mine, or a friend of a friend, or we might have six degrees of separation between us – regardless, I thank you for taking time to read my words.

They say that a picture speaks a thousand words – and I think that’s because a picture speaks a few words to each person – everyone will have their own interpretation. The same applies to my poems and my photographs. Of course they’re open to interpretation and could entail a myriad of meanings. You might read it differently from what I intended it to mean, or I may have left it open-ended. The thing with pictures is that you only see the final image – what’s on the surface. You rarely see the build up of paint strokes that have taken to achieve the final effect, am I right? You might read my words and not understand the backstory or know any context – but it still might resonate with you in a different situation. My point basically is that there is no concrete answer or fixed meaning, and therefore there should not be assumptions. But I digress.

As I leave the past year with a heavy heart, I know with certainty that any year that comes at me now will be infinitely better than 2015. Thank you for your lemons 2015 (not really), but I really would love some oranges now. I know I still have so much to learn, so much maturing to do, and still the world for me to see. The road ahead still holds hope for me, and I will continue to hold tight to faith. Despite everything that has happened, I thank the universe for looking after me in the smallest and kindest of ways – for letting me know that my faith, heart and goodwill have not gone to waste (and have become good karma). I might be scarred, but I still choose to be optimistic and hopeful (or naïve and gullible).

I can never be ready for what comes my way –

All I can do is take it day by day.

Hello, 2016. Please, please be good xx.

With love,

Emily.