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Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Hi there – it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Apologies for the 2-month hiatus – things have been busy, hectic and complicated in my world as of late (as I’m sure it has been with you too). Turns out I was much busier during my break than during the semester (I know, what?) and still caught up in life for the month after that – I’ve barely had time to sit down and write/do stuff. As always, time has eluded me and flown past like lightning; my memories are a blur and life is a flurry, but I’ve (kind of) rested and I’m back to share with you people lingering on the interweb what I’ve been up to – to show you the pretty pictures I’ve been taking, the places I’ve been visiting, the thoughts I’ve been thinking, all whilst trying to juggle life and its inherent pain, uncertainty, and relentless pursuit of purpose and happiness.

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Apart from the short blurb I have under the about tab, I realised that you probably don’t know that much about me (unless you’re a friend). So while I catch you up on life, I thought why not tell you more about myself? (As I’m sure you’d be interested to read – or not.)

First thing’s first, my name (of course) is Emily Ung.

I am many things – a daughter; a sister; a granddaughter; a friend; a student; a photographer; a poet; a writer; a creative; an optimist; a perfectionist; a dweller; a thinker; an adventurer; a seeker – but underneath that all, I’m your not-so-average girl. I know that sounds like I’m being arrogant, but I say that because I’ve had many unique experiences that I don’t think many can comprehend or begin to relate to. Of course I’m not the only one going through vaguely similar experiences – as the years go by, I meet an increasing number of people whom I share common experiences with, and crossing paths with them never fails to remind me that I’m not alone, and that my feelings aren’t all that abnormal or taboo.

But let’s just rewind for a moment as I fill you in with some background information: I currently live in Sydney – where I call home but also where it pains me to be. Over the course of 21 years I’ve lived in three countries, namely New Zealand, Australia, and Singapore – where I spent the bulk of my teenage years growing up. I feel strongly attached to all three places, and all three I call home. My father is Cambodian and my mother Malaysian, and that effectively makes me a third culture kid. Although I’ve been moving around, change is still something I’m getting used to – change is always a constant, and it never is easy. As my wise friend Jovi once told me, “We’re all creatures of habit”, and I always manage to find comfort in this truth.

Now on photography: I first started taking photos around 7 or 8 years ago, but only really started pursuing photography as a creative outlet 4 years ago, and rekindling my love for film photography in the last year or so. As you may have noticed, I photograph a little bit of everything – people, landscapes, textures, flowers, floors, doors, details, seas, scenery, and the list goes on. I like to photograph moments and memories; the people, places and things I want to remember or find interesting. While the subject matter I photograph might change and evolve as I grow as a person and photographer, I think the emotions captured in my images remain consistent – that being a sense of dreamy nostalgia. My photography is a work in progress, and I know full well that I’m no expert, but I am the best at what I do – in a sense that I go about photography in my own unique style – and I will keep trying to do better. If I were to briefly describe my visual work, I would say it has a soft, nostalgic and dreamy aesthetic (but I would love to hear what you think, so let me know in the comments below!) 

Funnily enough, poetry actually found me at quite a young age. My earliest memory of encountering poetry was when I was 6 years old, as a year 1 student at Parramatta North Public School. My teacher, Ms Teasdale, had assigned us the task of writing an acrostic poem about spring (one of those poems where each line begins with a letter in the word ‘spring’). I wrote mine, and when I took my piece up to show her, she liked it so much so that she gave me a sticker and sent me off to all the other classes to share it with the rest of the school. Till this day I still remember that poem by heart – I remember the rhythm in those six lines; the happiness and pride I felt to share my words with other people. Subsequently, I wrote a couple more short poems accompanied by colour pencil drawings, which were then exhibited and awarded the principal’s award! Later on in Secondary School, I found a love for literature and my passion for poetry blossomed from there. Seven years later and here I am – creating and expressing myself the way I know best.  

If you’ve read my poetry, it’s quite obvious that I write from a place of heartache and pain – and I probably don’t realise enough just how much those sentiments actually show through. I put into words whatever it is I’m feeling and try to give structure to my scattered thoughts. Sometimes I start with a string of words, other times a fleeting feeling, or a stinging sight. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m writing about until I reach the end of it, sometimes I reach the end of a poem and I’m still as clueless as when I started. Sometimes I make realisations, sometimes I find the answers, and other times I don’t. Whichever the outcome, pursuing a train of thought and being compelled to thoroughly anaylse those thoughts (while subconsciously trying to incorporate literary techniques) forces me to think deeply and search constantly for meaning as I write (and in everyday life).

“This relentless weight of meaning / This unfair promise of always finding pattern where there need not be any”,

as Sarah Kay encapsulates ever so accurately in her spoken word poem, ‘Useless Bay’ (which you can watch here, and I greatly urge you to do so – it will hopefully give you a glimpse into the life and mind of a poet). 

People are generally quite surprised when I tell them I’m a poet (I think because it’s quite uncommon in this day and age) – whether or not that surprise is a pleasant one I am unsure. I get asked about what inspires my writing and where my words come from: the short answer is that I write from personal experience, interweaved with imagination and inspired by everything and anything around me – even the most mundane and unnoticeable of occurrences. I write poems to navigate through the hallways of my thoughts, attempting to reconcile confusion and clarity.

I write poetry because it’s my therapy.

Apart from taking photos and penning poems, I love going to cafés – often to eat alone, sip on coffee, people-watch and write. I visit art galleries/museums/exhibitions; I like to vibe out and dance to live music. I spend a lot of time in bed; I sleep too much and stay up way too late. My family and friends are most important – my unwavering pillars of strength and support – and I love to spend as much time as I can with them. I have a plethora of bad habits and outstanding flaws, but they manage to put up with them. I lust for wander; I would love to travel the world, maybe one day. I am a sucker for the cheesy and cliché – a lover of sappy romcoms, chick flicks and dramas. I swoon over pretty things, good design and the aesthetically pleasing. I love markets, fashion, and even mathematics. I play sports (basketball, touch football, badminton, swimming etc.), although not so much at the moment. I’m a mess of dichotomies, always lingering in two extremities. I steer away from the mainstream. I will always keep loving; I will always give and give, and give. I’m full of surprises; I’m what you least expect. I’m all these things and more – beyond what I could ever put in words or on paper.  

If you’ve read this far, thank you and congratulations (AHAHAHAH). I hope you’ve enjoyed following me on my journey thus far, and will continue to come along for the ride (would mean so much to me if you popped your email in on the homepage and subscribed to receive updates!).

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A new photo of blooming magnolias marks the beginning of a new year – noise and nuance turned one at the end of August! (My favourite flowers bloom in winter – I wonder what that says about me?) I plan to give the site a little revamp and change things up a little, so stay tuned for that x

And so, this is where I’m at now: over the past 2 months I’ve had some work exhibited at the inaugural ARTas 2016 in Singapore, and showcased my first collection entitled ‘Lost and Finding’ at RAW: Sydney presents REVEAL – both such amazing opportunities that I’m very thankful for. I’ve currently suspended my course at university (which would come as a surprise to those who know me), with plans to transfer to a new course next year in pursuit of my passions as a creative. I recently landed an exciting internship, concurrently taking on new jobs and experiences to learn and grow from. I’ve still been creating and meeting new and wonderful people, while also spending quality time alone and with loved ones. Still so much backlog of photos and poems to share here, so going ahead I hope to have more time to write and get them out! Just under 2 weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday – and while it’s been daunting to think about, the world is now my oyster and I’m going to take it on with utmost fervour. I don’t have everything figured out yet, and that’s completely ok. I’ve long come to terms with failing and disappointing myself. As life would have it, I’m taking a massive detour, but I know I’ll eventually get there, and that’s all that matters – as long as I’m enjoying every step of the journey. I don’t have all the answers, and that’s ok. It’s ok not to be ok. I’ve come a long way but there’s still some time before my wounds close and I make a full recovery – I have no intention to rush the process if I want to let go completely, and let go properly. As I’ve always said,

“Let Live, Let Love.” 

And now that I’ve caught you up – run along, hustle, and I’ll see you back here soon xx

With love, Emily

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Brush Calligraphy | © Emily Ung 2016

So, today’s #thoughtpost is actually part of an application for Pulp (hello there editors), but please feel free to read on and wish me luck! 

Alright. So, trends.

When I think of “trends”, I think of “trendy” – what’s fashionable, what’s mainstream and what’s popular – what the current “in-thing” is. I think the typical mindset is that in order to fit in and be accepted by peers, one must conform to these trends to some extent – and aren’t we all guilty of that? Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about you – using all the latest social media apps, adding colourful slang to your vocabulary (because saying “yolo” and “get rekt” gives you so much swag?!) (I plead guilty), wearing a Daniel Wellington watch (so guilty), and carrying a Kanken bag (guilty again).

In saying that, I actually consider myself as someone who steers away from the mainstream – a person whose interests are vastly different from most, and someone who strives to be a unique individual. But now even the so-called ‘hipster’ things are becoming mainstream, and that makes me a little edgy. Methinks there should be a classification of “mainstream hipsters” and “hipster hipsters”, don’t you? 

I think underlying the trend following, fitting in and a conscious awareness of external perception and yearning for recognition is the instinctive desire to truly discover oneself. It’s so easy to be swayed by peer pressure and follow the mainstream to do what is considered to be “cool” – but don’t forget that it’s most important to do what makes you happy – trend or not. If reading a good book in the park makes you happy – you go do it. If going out with your mates for drinks makes you happy, you go have a good night out. If I like to wear a Daniel Wellington watch, or carry a Kanken bag because it suits me; if I like to write poetry and solve math equations – be damned sure that I will do it. There’s nothing wrong with following trends, or even going against the current, but don’t be afraid of being your own trendsetter.

(Trendsetting exhibit A: me (confidence is key) – so follow me on Instagram @emilyyyung for more trendsetting images and captions /hairflick/)

With love,

Emily.

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Photo by Jenny Lam

One year has changed my life more than three years ever could.

It’s always a bittersweet kind of nostalgia as yet another year comes to a close. It’s the point when you really feel the culmination of 365 days, and for some reason the year has brushed past you like a summer breeze. 

The cliché would be to say, “2015 was good, and here’s hoping for an even better 2016” – or something along those lines. But in truth, it’s just nothing like that for me this time. Rather, to sum it up, I have mixed emotions leaving the past year and entering into the next.  

To say that 2015 was arduous is a massive understatement – and those who have seen me through the past year know that I have stressed this point too many times. They also know first hand how weary I have grown, and just how much my being has crumbled; and I continue to fall victim to my own weakness as I try to piece together the truth and make peace with reality and myself.

Around a year and a month ago, I met the love of my life (yes, go on – say what you may), and since then I have been unlearning things about myself and the world I perceive. It would be unrealistic to say that I haven’t changed – but if I have, it hasn’t been much. My circumstances have changed more than anything.  

As with any other year, 2015 has also had its highlights – and so many ‘firsts’. In many ways I am extremely proud of my achievements (although not many) and the milestones I have reached – but largely disappointed in the choices I’ve made and hence the consequences that I’ve had to face. However, above all, I have been amazed by my strength. And although I have had to act against what I’ve stood for, I’ve mustered every bit of strength to endure the pain that is continually inflicted upon me. My experiences have both weakened and strengthened me – and there’s the irony.

I am most thankful for the people who have brought me happiness and helped me get through 2015 – friends who have stuck around, new friends whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, friends near and far, even strangers and acquaintances. Recycling words from one of my Instagram captions: I would not have survived 2015 without the most understanding family and friends – for holding me when I couldn’t stop crying; for countless pep talks and advice; for feeling indignant on my behalf; for putting up with the sadder side of me – and the odd stranger or acquaintance for outfit compliments and just making my day in small ways. It’s all in the little things – and believe me when I say I am infinitely grateful to everyone who has helped me pull through. Thank you for affirming my strength and giving me strength.

I know very well that everything I have here is on the Internet and open for everyone and anyone to see. From the get go I knew that Noise and Nuance wasn’t just going to be a straightforward portfolio for my photographs and poetry – no. Each image and carefully selected word would give you insight into my life. It was always going to be personal – everything has its nuance. My feelings are transparent through my words, and I make myself vulnerable by putting everything out there, but I have nothing to be ashamed of. You might be a friend of mine, or a friend of a friend, or we might have six degrees of separation between us – regardless, I thank you for taking time to read my words.

They say that a picture speaks a thousand words – and I think that’s because a picture speaks a few words to each person – everyone will have their own interpretation. The same applies to my poems and my photographs. Of course they’re open to interpretation and could entail a myriad of meanings. You might read it differently from what I intended it to mean, or I may have left it open-ended. The thing with pictures is that you only see the final image – what’s on the surface. You rarely see the build up of paint strokes that have taken to achieve the final effect, am I right? You might read my words and not understand the backstory or know any context – but it still might resonate with you in a different situation. My point basically is that there is no concrete answer or fixed meaning, and therefore there should not be assumptions. But I digress.

As I leave the past year with a heavy heart, I know with certainty that any year that comes at me now will be infinitely better than 2015. Thank you for your lemons 2015 (not really), but I really would love some oranges now. I know I still have so much to learn, so much maturing to do, and still the world for me to see. The road ahead still holds hope for me, and I will continue to hold tight to faith. Despite everything that has happened, I thank the universe for looking after me in the smallest and kindest of ways – for letting me know that my faith, heart and goodwill have not gone to waste (and have become good karma). I might be scarred, but I still choose to be optimistic and hopeful (or naïve and gullible).

I can never be ready for what comes my way –

All I can do is take it day by day.

Hello, 2016. Please, please be good xx.

With love,

Emily.

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Nikon F90 | Fujifilm Superia 400

Love, Like This

You could but I couldn’t –

And that’s when it all started

To unfold.

We thought we would –

Elaborate ambitions

Of a far away land,

Of dates you planned.

I imagined we could

Live out these dreams

Each with our best friend.

A toasty burrito

In your embrace,

A muffin,

And a marshmallow face.

But then you quit and I couldn’t

Feel any less

Or comprehend reason.

I did but you didn’t

Have the willpower

To ignite a flame

Or come alive again.

You left – and left me lingering

In the past

You said

You would care no less.

I do but I don’t

Love you

And hate you the same.

I will but I won’t

Wish you were mine again.

I may very well never know what ‘love’ is – what is means or what it constitutes. Like many other things, ‘love’ is one I will never fully understand, but will still try my best to feel my way through.

‘Love’ has always been a concept that perplexes me – obviously something I’ve analysed and considered countless times. It’s ironic because ‘love’ always surrounds us in its many forms, but we don’t realise it a lot of the time. It’s funny because you can’t exactly define ‘love’, and there exists a myriad of interpretations and cultural perceptions. But, although it can be a beautiful thing, of all ambiguous and pretentious institutions, the most controversial one might just be ‘Love’. You really never know – how do you? Can you?

The relationship between ‘love’ and family greatly intrigues me. It’s a given that you ‘love’ your family, right? You were born into this world, cared for by your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and anyone who picked you up into their arms. You couldn’t speak or understand most things, but you had eyes to see and a heart so you could feel – you probably didn’t even know who these strange people were, or what ‘family’ meant. But, when you were old enough to recognise ‘love’, they were the first people you said you ‘loved’ – regardless of how they looked, how they talked a little too much, how they chewed too loudly, how they would always mispronounce words, or how all these things would annoy you – you would still ‘love’ them unconditionally. You might live across seas or continents from your family, or may have never met them before, but love them you would – because they’re family. You might have new cousins you have never met, but you love them already. You might have distant relatives whom you’ve never seen before, or didn’t even know existed, but you love them. Maybe this is what noble love is?

I wonder why this kind of ‘love’ can’t be omnipresent – if we are all capable of that form of ‘love’, why can’t it transcend all borders? Why do we discriminate? Why do we judge? Why can’t we embrace and overlook flaws? Why can’t we love without barriers? Why don’t we try?

Although, what I know about ‘love’ has now made me a part-time skeptic – and coming from an optimist and someone who’s always able to find silver lining – that’s kind of depressing.

“I don’t know if what we had was love, but if it wasn’t, I hope never to fall in love. Because of you, I know I am too fragile to bear it.”

- An excerpt from ‘For you’ by Lang Leav

I’ve constantly been bombarded by the truth that love is a choice. Whether or not you believe in fate or soul mates, there really is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – what there is though, is a choice to ‘love’ another for who they are; a choice to make a mutual effort to maintain a relationship (be it friendship, romantic relationships or familial bonds); a choice to fight for something you believe worth keeping – and that belief, or otherwise, is perpetuated by a sprouting thought; a belief you must hold on tight to with utmost willpower.

Someone once told me that, “Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy” (it was a quote from Scrubs). I’ve always remembered this ever since, simply because it emphasises an existential fact – that giving up or making excuses, or taking the easy way out will cause you to lose the people or things that were/are/could be valuable or important to you.

I’m also aware and invested in the idea that a person should love him- or herself first before they can commit to loving others – to be comfortable being alone (not lonely) and independent; to have the ability to find intrinsic happiness that stems from within. Your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on someone else. Like ‘love’, I believe happiness is also a choice. It’s your choice to be happy, by making decisions and having a mindset that will beget happy thoughts and therefore ideas. A very wise fortune cookie once told me,

“Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.”

And of course this process was never meant to be easy or happen in an instant – you always hear people mention ‘the pursuit of happiness’ – but that doesn’t deter them from their so-called search. It seems like happiness and love have become the ultimate goals in life; the purpose in which we live for (in some cases people aim to be rich and famous which probably brings them happiness, so I guess that’s the same).

Choice

If I were to choose one thing never to lose again,

Above anything else,

I would choose myself.

(Then choose you – who knows)

I guess what I’m trying to put forward is this: Love (and happiness) can be simple, but not easy – much like how you can set out certain steps in achieving something, but it doesn’t mean these steps will be easy to accomplish. Or, like how you know where you want to be, but you don’t know how to get there.

There’s a certain saying that I have come to believe in:

“Let Live, Let Love.”

I’m not sure if I heard this from somewhere or someone, or conjured it up on my own because of my tendency to alliterate – but either way it has stuck with me (you may remember I ended off my first post with this quote). Initially, I liked it because it was catchy. It wasn’t until sometime last year that I realised what it really meant to me: that I should let life be, and simply let love be. I was reminded to let nature take it’s course, to let life unfold, and to let things be. It cemented the idea that some things can’t be forced, and that I should stop trying too hard (because let’s be honest – I always try too hard). Life, love, and happiness – they shouldn’t have to be too complicated, but that’s not saying you can avoid trying or making a conscious effort all together.

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

- William Shakespeare, ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’

With love also comes loss in one of its various forms – it could be gradually drifting apart, a sudden halt, or the eventual “till death do us part”. Loss never is pleasant or easy, but acceptance comes eventually and there is always hope. Another wise fortune cookie has also told me that,

“What appeared to be a loss will turn out in your favour.”

You must be thinking, “Did she really get these fortunes from cookies?”

To that I say, “Yes. Yes I did.”

I still have these fortunes on paper as proof – it really did happen. Twice. I know, pretty amazing. 

I’ve recently been introduced to the wonderful world of spoken word poetry, and this poem in particular really touched me with its resounding relevance. If you’re like me and get hooked onto wanting to watch more, make sure you check out more of Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye’s work, as well as Harry Baker (he’s got a mathematics degree, writes poetry, and he’s so funny)! Or, if you had to pick just one to watch, you need to watch this one.

Finally, I hope my scattered thoughts are somewhat comprehensible and this post wasn’t too much of a torture to read. Thank you for appreciating my thoughts and opinions for what they are – it’s totally subjective and is in no way factual or should it be taken as a generalisation of what other people think.

Thank you for stopping by xx

L’amour, ça fait faire de grandes choses

With love,

Emily.

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Nikon F90 | Fujifilm Superia 400

As procrastination has overcome me this afternoon as I sit in the dimly lit corner of my favourite café, I am thinking about thoughts – quite literally. Thoughts.

Why do we develop ideas? Why do we think our thoughts? Why do we have the capacity to feel?

People say that, “Oh, it’s innately human,” or “it’s the human condition” – but aren’t those just human constructs? Social – even cultural constructs? They sound like an easy way to escape confrontation and pacify our ‘human’ desire to seek out reason. It’s the same with language – the language we use to communicate is a human construct – words and concepts coined and defined to suit our context; cater to our needs; and explain phenomena. (And yes – it’s ironic because I’m using written language to convey my message.) Then if ‘human construct’ is also a human construct, what exactly isn’t manmade?

Our ideas – Who? What? When? Why? How?

Does it hurt because you think it hurts? Is it hard because you think it’s hard? Does it seem impossible because you think it is? Does it make you happy because you think it does? Does the future seem bleak because you think of it as such? Do you not feel anything because you think you don’t?

Thoughts are dangerous things – yet sometimes, dangerously beautiful. Thoughts perpetuate ideas; imagination can beget an unsuspecting desire; a fleeting hypothesis can translate into the most stubborn of beliefs. In this sense, we all have control over our ideas, do we not?

I’ve been of the belief that as long as one possesses the willpower, there’s nothing that’s out of the question. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way”, right? As long as you set your mind to it, as long as you’re determined, as long as you’re willing to persevere and remain steadfast – insofar “the sky’s the limit”. Yet, this isn’t always the case.

Although our thoughts can be helped (most of the time), they are susceptible to ‘feelings’ – emotional urges or reactions – and feelings can’t be helped (again, most of the time, at least in my opinion). Sometimes it’s a strong hunch, or a lingering intuition – just an inexplicable feeling about something or someone. It’s the classic case of thinking you know something, but having no basis of justification; when you think it’s a certain way but you don’t actually know the truth or you can’t say for sure – you can’t exactly reason with ‘feelings’.

The essence is aptly encapsulated in this quote,

“The heart has its reason of which reason knows nothing.” – Blaise Pascal 

With that said, every action is loaded with intention – nothing you say or do is without motive – either consciously or subconsciously, whether you realise it or not. Be cautious with your thoughts, with your ideas, with your words, and with your actions – but never close your heart off from ‘feelings’. I’ve come to realise that although it pains me and often puts me at a disadvantage, my capacity to love and care (or tendency to be nosey) is a blessing in disguise.  

Borrowing the words of Marlee Banta (@marleemeghanbanta on instagram),

“I know the curses and blessings of feeling everything so incredibly deeply.”

And finally, after stringing together my disjointed thoughts into proper sentences, I decide to look up the meaning of ‘thought’ in the Oxford Dictionary of English:

Thought [n.] :- An idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind.

I guess my mind isn’t so mad after all.

With love,

Emily.